I don’t think we have to have some catastrophic event in our lives to make us wake up. Not all of us anyway (LOL). Some of us need a cluster of them and some never will wake up. Either is fine.
You can go from on top of the world to crumbling and a slow climb to standing tall again…
I was a few years into having my real estate service company and it was really thriving. I couldn’t believe it. I felt like I had finally made it. Bill and I were building the house of our dreams we seemed to have all we wanted and worked so hard for. It felt as though nothing could bring us down. Almost like this success would protect me, I realize now success was an armor I wore.
As long as I was successful I felt worthy. I had so much pride in building my own business, building our house, and being financially stable. One by one our world would change, Jacob left to go live with his dad (with this was high conflict), Bill would get laid off and we would move, the tragic loss of Bill’s brother, Jacob’s cancer diagnosis, I was also diagnosed with cancer (we are both healthy now), and then selling my stable and secure business.
It felt admirable to handle things with composure, I didn’t know if people close to me could actually handle if I fell apart. So I held it together the best I could. So many were counting on me. I still had a business(for a time), my kids, my husband, and my parents and yet I slowly began to unravel.
The pain I felt was unbearable.
I ignored myself and my feelings for so long. I didn’t know how to feel or even begin to understand myself and yet I had this kid that was so angry with me. I deeply wanted him to be okay. I wanted him to stop being angry it was so uncomfortable.I felt so confused and unsure of who I even was anymore. I began to get support from coaches, healers, and therapists as I deeply wanted to understand myself and the situation and get out from under the pain I had felt. I kept going as each time the darkness would lift a bit more. Sometimes I would fall back down but still, I could feel myself healing and I began to notice others around me begin to heal too.
As I emerged from this transition in my life I felt as though I was starting over again, with new, careful eyes. It felt as though my armor had fallen off, there was nothing to hide behind nor did I want to. That also felt a bit vulnerable and naked.
This new season is about inner confidence and strength, the true confidence and strength that comes from the inside out. Not the outside armor we wear to protect ourselves.
We don’t get this kind of strength by playing it safe and pretending things are fine. We get it by being brave and gently digging in when we want to run away.
This is how we make a difference, this is how we create a world that is loving, kind, accepting, and safe. This is the work I do with my clients.